Where does the time go?

Ok I must apologize for the extended time period between rants. I really have no idea why I've let the time pass--it just seems to whether I like it or not.

I've always thought that when I had a job, I would have all this free time to pursue hobbies, etc. It hasn't really happened. I DO remember short spells where I felt like I had nothing on my plate--but lately I feel like I'm racing around constantly.

I recently turned 35--feels older than it probably should. Here are a few things I wish I had time to do:

Rock climb--uggh when was the last time I even got to go to the gym??
Start running again--I used to be so rabid (no, not avid--rabid) about running.
Sewing projects
Knitting projects
Blog (of course)
Lift weights
Clean house--I mean really clean
Finish the remodel projects (HA!)
Go through my pictures and scan the hardcopies
Travel
Garden (ok not in the snow)
Put up christmas decorations before its too late!
Volunteer for something

I'm sure the list goes on--but these are the things I've been thinking of lately. I wish work didn't get in the way--or does it? In reality there are probably a million ways I could better budget my time.

Will there ever be a time that I don't feel panicked to get everything done? Will I ever be one of those people that manages to send out nice Christmas cards and remembers people's birthdays? What is the secret?

Mind Boggling

Enough of politics...

Yesterday I was walking down to the corner store to pick up something for my lunch. I'm not sure what was on my mind, but my guess is that it had something to do with the elections. Something in my senses triggered me to wake from my mental daydream as I approached the intersection. There was a semi truck pulling an empty flat-bed trailer turning right onto the street along which I was walking. It was a pretty tight turn for the truck and, as a result, the tires of the trailer crossed up onto the sidewalk and actually almost hit the building on the corner.

I've never driven a semi, so I can't really comment as to whether it was driver error--it seems like a tight corner, but I marveled at my fortune that I somehow managed to see it coming and waited on the sidewalk until the danger had passed. I began to think about the possible outcome if I had been on my cell phone--or if I had been a mother with a small child. Would the semi have hit me? I thought about how when walking or riding a bike, it is necessary to be hyper-aware of your surroundings--but I know while I drive, I sometimes find myself in a different mental zone. That doesn't seem to make any sense.

I then began to marvel that, here in America, we get our driver's licenses at the age of 15 or 16 --when our reflexes are at their fastest--and we are never required to renew our "certification" (until we are seventy). Driving is probably the most dangerous activity in which we engage--yet there is no continuing education. Does anyone else see that as insane?

landslide....

I have to say congratulations to all you die-hard Obama followers. I can't count myself among your ranks --although I did (somewhat reluctantly--I'm still deep down a Nader fan) give him my vote. The airwaves are ringing with the giddy sounds of liberal news reporters--and I have to say I'm feeling a little giddy myself. I am still reeling over my home state of Indiana going blue for the first time since like 1930 or something. I know Obama will make a good president. I don't think he will be as liberal as I want him to be--or as hard on lobbyists or big businessman as he says he will be--but I know there will be an improvement.

My relief is tempered somewhat by the noticeably absent defeat of constitutional amendments discriminating against gays in both California and Arizona. I am disappointed in my fellow Americans.

entry out of place

I did post a new entry--but it is posted for Oct 23 because that's when it was started. Check it out.

More "unheard of" news

Congrats U.S., your major cities now have economic inequality that rivals that of countries in Africa--according to a new UN study.
http://www.ilo.org/public/english/bureau/inst/download/world08.pdf
The highest wage dispersion occurred in Brazil, China, India, and the U.S.

And--another great landmark--
for the first time in...well I don't know how long, our children are less likely to graduate from High School--that's high school--not college than we were.
http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5jbFCO7woHZSbc0BWZbfr7Cv7nkIgD940FIO83

yep, we certainly are the greatest democracy in the world

..Because it hasn't received enough press

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20081024/pl_afp/usvotepalinabortionattacks_081024220009

Where's the Outrage?

Our folks told us, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. I am reminded of this during this year's election. It strikes me that if you don't have anything nice to say about your "chosen" candidate, you will choose, instead, to say something nasty about the alternative. It reminds me a lot of middle school. Typically, we are at our most insecure and vulnerable when we are "blossoming' into maturity. Middle school girls suck. I know--I was one of them. Because they are so obsessed with hating themselves, they strike out at everyone else. If you can't feel good about yourself--at least you can feel better about NOT being THAT girl. I think its time that we get rid of the broken two party system. The atrocities and dishonesty that we will tolerate these days are amazing. Introducing alternate parties would not only reduce the amount of "I'm supporting X because Y is even worse"; it would also eliminate the need for electing the opposite party for president to reduce the threat of "too much power" of the other party. Imagine, if we had libertarians and green party candidates in congress. We wouldn't worry about one party having enough votes for a filibuster. Our debates are a joke. They used to be sponsored by the League of Women Voters--a bi-partisun group. Everyone was invited to participate. Unfortunately, in 1988, the Bush and Dukakis campaigns drafted a joint "memorandum" outlining what topics could be discussed and how the questions would be presented. The League was outraged and refused to succomb to demands from the candidates. Unfortunately for the American people, this resulted in the creation of the "Commission for Presidential Debates". The "Commission" is actually a corporate-sponsored consortium of former heads of both the Democratic and Republican parties. The result? Only major party candidates are invited. Both candidates agreed with the "bailout" not because it was a good plan or a good idea--but because they didn't want the other party to get the upper hand--well what if there were more than two choices? Could candidates actually do things that they thought important rather than because they were afraid of losing votes?

Citizens were outraged because our politicians were not holding the bankers and investors "accountable" for the recent debacle. My question is why should we expect them to hold Wall Street accountable when we don't hold politicians accountable? Sure in extreme cases we "stick it to them" by voting for the opposite party--but during elections we willfully listen to promises that we know won't be kept. We say things like "oh I know they won't do everything they say, but that's just politics. Why? Why have we let things get so out of control that candidates will say anything to get elected? It is estimated that 5.8 billion dollars will be spent for this campaign. That's a ridiculous amount of money to see who can put on the better show. That is what it seems to me. The most money gets the most media time and the most votes. What is the connection? I think of it this way... I take tests well. I learned at a very young age that I had a knack for cramming for tests. Because of this talent, my grades have always been excellent. A few years ago, I met someone who did not have this talent. This guy could remember every fact he'd ever learned--and actually understood the concepts on which he was tested. I can't remember something I learned yesterday. Unfortunately for this friend of mine, I look much better on paper. I will get scholarships and jobs- but I can admit that he is actually a better biologist. It seems that it's the same for politicians. There ARE honest people out there--even a few honest politicians (look at Dennis Kucinich)--but because they are honest, they will never get the big positions. Think about this--despite the record-breaking fundraising that the Obama campaign has done--only a quarter of it comes from small donors. And the rest? Well we'll probably find out based on his policies should he get elected. The worst is that because Obama refused public financing and proceeded to raise so much money---election reform is probably dead for another 10 years or so. Did somebody say Change?

But then again, we may never find out. A recent interview granted by Stephen Spoonamore (who is a conservative republican McCain supporter) outlines how the GOP used electronic means to subvert the 2000 and 2004 elections and plans to do the same in 2008. Spoonamore names names and outlines procedures. Google it to learn more. Is it true or just some disgruntled conservative causing trouble? I can't say for sure, but it doesn't surprise me in the least. We are the most powerful nation in the world, but we can't hold an election these days without charges of fraud or disenfranchisement. To top it off, the highest percentage of eligible voters to actually cast a vote in recent years was 64%! We'll see if we can top that this year--by all accounts we should.

Where is the outrage? We, as a country, have settled. We have settled for a pseudo-democracy. We have settled for corruption and corporate welfare. We have settled for presidents that can't run a baseball team and war-mongering profiteering vice-president. We have forced John McCain to choose a moron like Sarah Palin in order to please his base and get the "ignorant white woman vote." We have forced Barack Obama to spend millions on a cheesy public service announcement in order to reach the Budweiser-lovin baseball fans. What a country.

Gardening Lessons

This past Friday, I spent a good part of the day engulfed in the smell of rotting vegetable matter. This was the first year I had been able to have a veggie patch, and I certainly had a lot to learn. There is a pretty short growing season here in Flagstaff. The average last frost date is June 13 and the average first frost date is September 21. Nighttime temperatures reach below freezing for about 60% of the year. This is not a hospitable environment for many vegetables. To combat this problem, Isaac made me a PVC greenhouse. We were skeptical about its utility--but I must say, it definitely lengthened the growing season for us. Unfortunately, a week or so ago, the "real" cold snap happened. Temperatures dipped into the 20 degree range at night. Although we had about 10 lbs of unripe tomatoes and 11 juvenile cantaloupes left in our little plastic-covered paradise, we awoke one morning to disaster. Cell walls crumbled under the freeze thaw--and our harvest was unexpectedly halted. I remember my mother warning me about such an event. But like most things my mother told me--it didn't register until it happened to me.

For days I couldn't return to the site of the disaster. It was depressing. Our tomato plants were covered in fresh green fruits. The romas that I had grown from seed were just now rewarding me for all my painstaking care. Finally, on Friday, the smell escaping from the plastic blanket could be ignored no longer.

It should have been depressing--chopping down my little army of nutrient suppliers--but instead it gave me a warm feeling. I couldn't help but think about next year's garden and how all these reclaimed nutrients would be used. I love compost. There is something so satisfying about it. I wasn't counting on the amount of work it would take to chop down my tomato/squash jungle into a usable composting form. These were this year's sacrifices for next year's abundance. Recently Isaac and I have been discussing our final wishes for our flesh after we pass on. I suggested that I might just want my ashes to go in a compost pile. I love the idea of recycling those nutrients--my nutrients. Would I make good compost? Perhaps thoughts for another blog. So for the hours I worked, I reflected on my gardening lessons.

The biggest lesson--one that I seem to have to relearn over and over--is that its imperative to thin out vegetation or fruit. I have a really hard time with this one. It makes me sad to pull up baby shoots--and forget about picking off green fruit so that the others will develop more quickly. I should be good at it. I believe in evolution--I know that survival of the fittest is a universal truth. I guess there is too much bleeding heart liberal in me. I started to wonder if maybe Conservatives made better gardeners. People who feel that we shouldn't provide aid to the less fortunate should be good at gardening. I bet they are relentless "thinners." They may not produce many tomatoes--but the ones they do are big and juicy. That brings me to the contradiction though--in both liberals and conservatives. Why is it that conservatives believe in "pulling yourself up by your bootstraps" and that people get what they deserve--but yet are against abortion? Here I am--can't thin out my tomato crop because I feel that they all deserve a chance to .. to.. to.. become my lunch --but I stand firmly on the side of a woman's right to choose.

One day, I hope to master the art of gardening. I will never understand politics.

An illustration

I just had to put this awesome letter from my local paper in my blog today--it so clearly illustrates my last point.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

To the editor:

We're here to say that we support John McCain and Sarah Palin. John McCain has paid his dues and Governor Palin is well on her way to do the same. He will fight for us every bit of the way in protecting us and our country from terrorists, in creating new jobs and putting this country back on it's feet again, by putting an end to all this pork barrel spending, by ending the shipping of millions of dollars overseas to countries that hate us, by helping people to pay for their own medical plans, by helping small business to keep growing and by stopping tax increases. Obama promises to provide health care for all who live in the United States but he doesn't say how he will pay for it because he doesn't know. I can tell you who will pay for it! The current economic crisis is the result of a legislative move during the Clinton administration that has over the years snowballed into the mess that we have today.

Obama believes in abortion. Do you realize that the first organ to develop in a fetus is the heart within 10 days of conception?

Obama condones gay marriage. We believe that one reason America will colaspe is because of the failure of the family unit consisting of a married man and woman. We will vote 'Yes' on Prop 102.

Wake up, America. We are throwing our liberties away as our forefathers knew them. We are headed for change all right:socialism. Isn't that what Castro of Cuba promised his people?

JO ANN and HARVEY MICKELSON

Flagstaff

Thank you Jo Ann and Harvey! That was awesome. You say that Obama will take away our "liberties" but the only policy you mention is that he wants to provide healthcare to U.S. citizens. Of which liberty will that deprive you? Your freedom to send billions of dollars into Iraq?

Then you talk about YOUR beliefs--you want to deny women the right to choose and homosexuals the right to marry. Those sound way more like denial of liberties than providing health care. Just so I'm straight--you don't want to provide healthcare to poor women--but you want to force them to have babies that they know they can't care for. Brilliant plan. Man, I love this town sometimes.

Speciation

Ok so I said I was going to edit that post, but I didn't get around to it. I'm just going to make a new one.

So yeah about speciation. As biologists, we learn that a single species can evolve into multiple species through a variety of mechanisms. Easily cited examples of speciation involve a geographic separation of groups of organisms. Different selective pressures in different areas result in more than one species. Simple enough. There is a concept known as "sympatric speciation" which is NOT widely accepted among biologists. Simply put, organisms can speciate without a geographic separation--but some other mechanism is driving the divergence. It could be a small niche within a larger population. It could be a pre-mating strategy. In 1987 an article was published in PNAS talking about mole rats in Israel. They looked at four different chromosomal species (same organism--different total number of chromosomes). Each had different mating calls. For the most part, females preferred the calls of the males with the same number of chromosomes as their own. Except the females with 2n= 60. This was the last group of mole rats to diverge (most recent). They still didn't care too much. The conclusion was that the call differentiation happened first and it resulted in a "speciation" (in this case--subspeciation).

I feel this is sort of what is going on with humans. We are free to breed (or not) with whomever we choose. To some of us, "calls" made by right-wing conservatives are not appealing--in fact they are repulsive. I'm sure they same can be said for women on the far right (about men with far left leanings). But its more than that. I hear the words coming out of the mouths of conservatives and ... well I understand the actual words. I mean taking each word individually, I know what they mean. Based on the reaction of like-minded folk around these people, however, I don't think they mean the same thing to them as they do to me. Does that make sense?

Take an issue with which I was involved recently here in Flagstaff. The train goes right through the center of town about once every eight minutes or so. There are 5 at-grade crossings in town at which the train operator must blast the horn. The town decided they wanted to silence the train. To do so requires that alternate safey measures be installed at all the crossings. So to make a long story short, in Flag, the Eastside of town is known as the "bad" part of town. The eastside is where I live. The city council decided to completely silence the downtown crossings--but to install "wayside" horns on the eastside crossings. So we on the eastside will actually get a horn that sounds for a longer period of time than the current train--but its stationary so you don't get the doppler effect. So while I was involved with this issue I heard folks say that this resolution was "fair" to both eastside folks and downtown folks. My definition of fair means equal or free from bias. I don't think leaving a horn in one neighborhood and allowing the other neighborhood to get total quiet qualifies as "fair" by that definition. But the people saying it were adamant. So the only conclusion I could come to is that they must have a different definition. We are using the same words but there are different meanings depending on your genetics. I think I should write the Liberal to Conservative dictionary.

misplaced aggression

Lately, I've been on a rampage about politics. I've realized in the past few days that perhaps my frustration is a little misplaced. Politicians are politicians. Some are better than others, some are just plain evil. I really can't expect things will change.

I'm really just frustrated with the American people. I hear the things that people say, "Obama's a muslim" "Obama will take our guns away" etc--and I just can't take it. I can't believe the lack of ability to think among our population. I really feel like we are speciating as humans.

I'm going to go ahead and post this now--but I will edit it later so stay tuned.

pigs and pitbulls

Well, I knew it would happen--Democrats have devolved into politics as usual. Instead of staying "above the fray" they try to play a game of which they know nothing. I laughed out loud this morning when I heard Barack Obama make the comment about lipstick and the pig. I've heard the expression before, but you can't tell me Palin's recent comment about the pitbull didn't inspire its use yesterday. It was funny, it got a laugh line--but I think it was a huge mistake. I don' t know why this is the case, but for some reason Democrats are not as good at being nasty as Republicans. For some reason it makes them look foolish. I'd like to think it's because it doesn't come naturally to them.

I am not optimistic about this election. As soon as it became clear that Barack Obama had secured the nomination, I felt a sinking feeling. It's not that I think he would do a bad job as president--it's just that ---well the cynic in me saw all the excitement about this message of hope and change--(and saw those as empty words) and said, "well, there goes the election." I have little faith in my fellow citizens and even less in our politicians.

Yesterday afternoon I spent some time watching Democracy Now!'s coverage of the conventions of the two parties. The reporters from DN! spent some time harrassing politicians and a lot of time covering the protesters outside. I was particularly touched by the coverage of IVAW (Iraq Veterens Against the War). They had drafted a letter to each candidate with three demands: get out of Iraq, provide healthcare and education benefits to the veterans, and provide reparations to the Iraqi people. At the Democratic National Convention, Rage Against the Machine played a free concert after which the demonstrators marched (in formation) four miles to the convention center. They were greeted by the police in full riot gear. Here are the words of one member.

Well, I just—actually, I think it’s a communication thing. If we could get them to come out here, I believe they would be fine with having us read that letter. You know? They’d be just fine. If somebody can get the word in there, I’m sure there are a lot of good Americans in there that would be not OK with the idea that they’re about to arrest a bunch of Iraq vets if we don’t go home. This is my home. This is my home.


Here is what one former marine said to his fellow protesters:

The police of the City of Denver have given the dispersal order to the protesters in the rear of the formation. We’re told that if that order is given three times, they have authorization to shoot teargas into the crowd. And Iraq Veterans Against the War will be standing here in formation awaiting further response from the campaign of Senator Barack Obama.

Shooting teargas, or a threat of it, or threatening to disperse while we exercise our First Amendment rights to peacefully gather—and I emphasize peacefully—is a disgrace.

These veterans fought too hard to come back here and be ignored, as we have been for the last seven years by this same administration. To be ignored again by the would-be savior of America, his antiwar rhetoric—to be ignored again is a disgrace.

These words and those of several others brought tears to my eyes. Despite the fact that Barack Obama ran his primary campaign on the message that he was against the war from the beginning and he would call for an immediate withdrawal of troops, he would not agree to meet with these men. Finally, after the stand-off, the veteran's liason from the Obama campaign came out to receive the letter. He told the protesters that he would "get back to them." Well I don't need to tell you that he did not get back to them. The letter was not read on the convention floor, and who knows if it made it past the circular file on the way back into the convention. If ending the war hadn't been such a big part of the primary campaign, I would say, "yeah, ok, politicians can't meet with all special interest protest groups." Here was a group of people that could potentially be the most ardent supporters of Obama, and they are ignored. That doesn't spell hope or change to me.

I'm not saying that McCain is better. I would have to get a brain transplant before I made even a hint of a suggestion to vote for the swine/pitbull ticket--I am just experiencing the same deja vu I experience about every four years.

The Chaos Around Me

I've always had bad luck. Not terrible luck, but not good or moderate either. I'm sure some of what I call luck - are just bad choices. Take for example our recent vacation to California. Everything was going along pretty well -- I was actually relaxing and then-bam! Our rental car was broken into. It wasn't a big deal-but it was very irritating. It always seems to me that just when I think my life is going along great, something really bad will happen to set me back either socially or financially.

Here's something else. Electronics behave in a weird way when I'm around. I think I first noticed this when I used to wear a watch. I had this digital watch that would quit working after a few weeks. I would change the battery and it would start working again--for a few weeks. Next, it was a headlamp. The batteries in my headlamp would need to be changed every other time it was used. Now that I work around computers I'm having even more problems. Its not all the time--its like it builds up. Every few weeks, my computer will just decide to crash repeatedly. I go through all the routines--even reinstalling Windows sometimes--and eventually everything will be fine.

I am pretty convinced that I have some kind of magnetic field influencing electrons around me. I know it sounds funny--but I'm actually very serious. I am somehow creating molecular chaos in my surroundings. What do you think of that?

Statistics

Statistics tell us that 1 in 5 (or 20%) of all confirmed pregnancies will end in miscarriage in the first trimester. A thinking person can't get three days along in her pregnancy without hearing this fact. The experts advise you not to tell too many people before the 4th month. None of these facts seem to help when it happens. Recently my friend and I were arguing about traditional vs bayesian statistics. His argument was how useless probabilities are in real life situations. In this case, I have to agree. This may happen to 20% of all pregnant women--but it happened to 100% of me.

I was skeptical becoming a mother. It wasn't the right time, I was worried about money, blah blah blah. In the past few weeks, however, I'd become more excited about the prospects. I'd begun to make plans--despite my own warnings regarding not getting too confident. I think you can't help it. Here is this thing, this event that's going to so thoroughly change your life--how can you avoid planning for the future?

I can't really describe the emotions after the miscarriage. Even though you can logically think that there was nothing you could do to prevent it--you can't help but recount everything you've done in the past few weeks and how they may have caused it. You read all the statistics about it being unavoidable--and then a small paragraph will say, "some evidence that caffeine will cause miscarriages" or "excessive exercise is sometimes linked" so then you think--was it that iced tea? was it that hike I did? And you just can't know the answer. You just can't help but think it was your fault--you simply have no one else to blame. You look around and it seems that everyone has children or is pregnant--and you can't help but feel inferior. Doesn't it seem like the high school girls that get pregnant never miscarry? Are my eggs just stale?

Its really hard for me to hear sympathy from others. Those that have children are imagining losing those children--well its not the same thing. You've met your child, you've bonded. My grief is not that severe. Its unknowable because I can't really attach it to anything. I don't have a vision or any sensation to attach my grief. I just have my imagination and sometimes that's not useful.

And then there's the decisions. Do you try again? Mine wasn't planned so that was a decision made for me. Should I actually try next time? What if this happens again? What if I'm just not able to have children? Do you keep going through the pain? How many times?

I forgot to add foolish to the list of emotions. Everyone tells you it happens all the time so why are you so upset about it? You were only pregnant for 11 weeks for goodness sake. So you feel foolish because it does feel like a bigger deal. Because you still get teary-eyed when you realize that something you planned is no longer relevant.

And awkward. Telling people what happened is awkward--for them. They don't know what to say which makes them not want to be around you. This isn't true for close friends but if you were like us and live in a small town and told too many people--there are bound to be people that aren't close that you have to inform. It is very uncomfortable. All the more reason to keep it to yourself when you get pregnant.

the sad news

An update to my last post. Sadly, I miscarried the baby yesterday at 11 weeks. So I guess if there is a next time I will be more prepared.

The Big News

It's been a while since I've written a bona fide rant and I've got a doosy that I just can't wait to write--even though it involves making an announcement I was hoping to put off for a little while.

So for those 5 of you who read my blog--there might be one or two that don't know--I'm going to have a baby. Yes, I'm "in the family way", "with child", "knocked up". If it comes as a shock to you--now you know how I feel.

After the initial shock of the fact in itself, I was then greeted with an even bigger shock: my health insurance doesn't cover maternity. So because I work for a very small (2-person) company, I was forced to get an individual health insurance policy with Blue Cross Blue Shield. My generous boss then pays my monthly premium for me. I've had the insurance for 2 years and I've never needed it. I never bothered to pay attention to maternity benefits because I wasn't planning on having kids. Oops. Well, then I find out that now that I am pregnant, there is no insurance company in the country that will take me on with maternity benefits. And, if I had wanted to have maternity coverage with BCBS, my monthly premium would have been $1000/month vs the $250/month I currently pay. Hmm, lets see, an extra $750/month for the minimum of 12 months--that's $9000!! I've been told my non-insurance pregnancy will likely run from $6000-$12000 (the majority of that cost being the hospital bill). So getting maternity insurance may or may not save you any money in the long run. Then I looked at what my insurance WILL cover--I could have elective cosmetic surgery and have the insurance cover part of it---but I can't have a fricken baby!

What's a girl to do? So here's the real kicker. There is a company out there under multiple names: "Maternity Advantage", "Maternity Card", "AHCO" that offers to act as a negotiator on your behalf. So you pay them $750 or something and they try to get you deals with certain providers with whom they have relationships. You pay the difference in the end. So sounds ok at first. My big question was did I have to live in a big city in order to use this service? Unfortunately repeated attempts to email my questions to my "service representative" only resulted in responses that went something like this. "Thank you for contacting Maternity Advantage--check our this link for our customer testimonials" "Watch this promotional video." etc. Never did they answer my questions. My partner even spoke to someone on the phone only to have her change the subject every time he asked a specific question. Then I did a little Googling. Turns out that Maternity Advantage has a unsatisfactory rating with the Better Business Bureau and a lawsuit is pending from the Texas Attorney General charging them with fraud! http://austin.bbb.org/WWWRoot/Report.aspx?site=40&bbb=0825&firm=53505 or http://www.oag.state.tx.us/newspubs/releases/2008/041408ahco_pop.pdf.

So that's pretty awesome. Take an already shitty situation and make it even shittier by taking advantage of pregnant women. I seriously can't believe that these people are allowed to do business.

And what the f--k America! All we hear is how important pre-natal care is--but if you make more than minimum wage and can't qualify for Medicaid, but don't have employer insurance--you're basically screwed. I thought working for a locally-owned business was good for America. I thought our capitalist society was supposed to support entrepreneurs. Then to add salt to my wound, NPR's been doing stories on health care in European countries. The one this morning was about France and how great their Maternity Care is. But we don't need healthcare reform do we Senator McCain? No, free market that's what we're all about. I'm actually thinking of drafting a letter to Mr McCain. In it I will talk about how I know the Republican Party is for "family values" and against a woman's right to choose. Then I will tell him that because of their brainless, heartless policy promoting insurance companies and killing the middle class--he's right I don't have a choice. I don't have a choice because I can't actually afford to have this baby. What do you think?

Pavlov

Since I've moved to Flagstaff, I developed a Pavlovian reaction to a once innocuous sound: a helicopter. A whirly-bird in Flagstaff means one of two things: wild fire or a serious medical emergency. As soon as I hear that familiar thump thump I find myself scanning the sky to try to identify the bearer of bad news. Is there a slurry pouch dangling from it? No--it must be a medical helicopter. I wonder what happened. Accident at the Grand Canyon? Serious car wreck? It's strange to me how a helicopter stimulates my fear so much more than a siren. The sound of a helicopter is somewhat sinister. It represents a serious situations. A fire that doesn't threaten structures is generally handled by ground crews. An accident in town is handled by land-based emergency vehicles. A helicopter in Flagstaff is a signal that something is very wrong.

Yesterday, two helicopters collided mid-air less than two miles from my home. Both were emergency medical teams bringing patients to the hospital. All but one of those onboard perished. Details of the accident remain under investigation. A big question on everyone's lips is, "Why didn't they see each other?" I remember when I used to do aerial surveys for eagles and hawks from a small, fixed-wing cessna. On one trip it was just me and the pilot. At one point the pilot pointed off to the left and said, "do you think he sees me?" I looked at the spot to which he pointed. It took a few seconds before I saw it--almost imperceptible--a silver flash. He was still a ways off--but not as far as I would have thought. Trick of the open sky and the position of the planes. It was no big deal, but it definitely made an impression on me. I don't know why these pilots didn't see each other. Maybe there was something distracting them like a mechanical emergency. Maybe each thought the other would move out of the way--sounds stupid, but who knows.

One of the patients was a 26-year old volunteer fire fighter that had been in the Grand Canyon helping to fight a blaze out of control on the north rim. He had a bug bite and was going into anaphylactic shock. They decided to air lift him to Flagstaff airport. Here's a guy that voluntarily risked his life to help fight fires. I wonder how many close calls he'd had fighting fires? I wonder if he knew that what would get him in the end would be an insect bite? It just goes to show you that it could happen any time. Whether you take risks for work or for fun--it may not matter in the end. I guess what I take out of that is that I may as well just take the risks.

Terrorist the new Communist

It seems like nothing will inspire hate in much of conservative America's psyche than to call someone a terrorist. Much like during like the anti-communist era of the 40's and 50's, America is out for blood. Will we have the Cheney trials to correspond with the McCarthy hearings? Not likely, this modern judgment is taking place within the media circus ring.

I'm sure everyone has heard of the Dunkin Donuts -- Rachael Ray incident by now. If you have been hiding under a rock for the last month or so, here's the gist. Rachael Ray, America's sweetheart cooking show hostess, posed for an ad for Dunkin Donuts wearing a scarf loosely draped around her neck. It seems the scarf reminded some conservative whack-jobs of a Muslim kaffiyeh. The kaffiyeh has been around probably since Jesus and is used for sun, wind, and sand protection. In fact the British army will often wear kaffiyeh in desert areas (although they use a different name). Yasser Arafat turned the kaffiyeh into a symbol of Palestinian liberation when he wore it in deliberate contrast to the more urban fez. Black and white keffiyehs are generally used to symbolize the Fatah party. In fact, many Israeli jews sympathetic with the Palestinians used to wear a kaffiyeh as a symbol of solidarity. Here is the picture of Rachael Ray
http://money.cnn.com/2008/05/29/news/companies/dunkin_donuts.ap/index.htm?cnn=yes

I think she's wearing what amounts to a scarf. If she were holding a machine gun in her hand as opposed to a cup of coffee--I could understand the misinterpretation, but as it is I think we're taking symbolism a little too far.

The other recent terrorist symbol involved Barack Obama and his wife Michelle. After sealing his nomination as the Democratic Party candidate, Barack and Michelle had the nerve to show their happiness with a "terrorist fist-jab". This accusation is even more laughable than the first. Terrorist fist jab? Since when did Al Qaeda adopt this modified "high-five" as a symbol of their hatred for Americans? In fact I can only imagine that the "fist-bump" is a fairly American gesture probably started by basketball players or rappers.

Lets face it, we're on the hunt for "terrorists". Since we can't seem to find actual terrorist leaders, I guess we'll just invent them. Will Rachael Ray and Michelle Obama share a cell in Guantanamo?

Every Drop Counts

For the past few weeks, my boyfriend and I have been using a plastic wash tub in the sink to catch the water from dishes or anything else we do in the kitchen sink. The idea is to capture the water to use on our plants. I am using only biodegradable soap so I assume it won't hurt the plants. Its very simple. Instead of letting the water wash down the drain, we catch it in the tub and then empty it when it gets full or when we need to start with clean water. I knew that a lot of water was wasted by the average household--but I must say I have been stunned by the number of times we need to dump the bucket. It really brings home the idea that convenience will be the downfall of our earth. I would love to have the money to spend on a graywater system--but I don't. Nor do we have the time to construct our own. In a way, I think this is better. The bucket cost me about $2--the soap is about $3.50 for a bottle which lasts more than a month. It takes me about a minute and a half to walk out the door and dump the bucket. Every time I do it, I feel good about conserving water. The only down side is that I dump food chunks and all because I figure its good for the plants--but my dog has other ideas. Often I go out to my cherry trees to find that he's eaten away all of the bark mulch because they smelled particularly desirable. Overall I think its a small price to pay.

Globalization

In South Africa, violence has erupted against immigrant workers from Zimbabwe, Malawi, and Mozambique. Villages, homes, and even individuals have been set on fire in protest against a high unemployment rate (23%) and high food costs. During the Apartheid regime, South Africans looked to their neighbors to shelter exiled leaders.

In Italy, Romanian gypsies were attacked after an alleged attempt by a Roma girl to steal a baby. Illegal Romanian immigrants are thought to be the cause of the majority of crime in Italy. During the period from 1920 to 1970, many Italians illegally sought work in neighboring countries of Austria, Belgium, France, West Germany, and Luxembourg.

In the U.S., Mexican migrant workers are being run out of homes and places of employment by unfriendly state and federal laws. The United States was founded by Europeans seeking religious and political freedom and a better way of life.

We've sure come a long way.

Cheese ball

I cried twice yesterday.

The first time was because my dog, Jeckyll is going through this weird thing. He will have sort of spasms of pain and cry and look sad--and then he'll be fine. He's old--like 13 years--and I made myself cry thinking of having to put him to sleep.

The second was when I was listening to NPR. Melissa Block was in China post-earthquake. She lost it at one point watching a mother look for her missing child.

I lost it too. Pretty cheesy. Then I felt guilty for crying about the dog. He's lived a good life--but it still makes me sad. I got the impression the woman's son had not lived long enough to say the same. I don't know them, but it still made me cry.

I tried to think of things that make me laugh.

My other dog, Rizo has a favorite toy. It's a ball with legs. No face, no hat, no funny smile--just a ball with legs. For some reason, it always makes me laugh.

Documentaries about wildlife always make me laugh--especially ones with birds. I guess I think things with 2 legs are funnier than those with 4 legs? I don't know.

Back Scratchin'

It's city election time in Flagstaff, AZ right now. In addition to choosing a new figurehead mayor and several marginally useful council members, the good citizens of Flagstaff are being asked to vote on several propositions concerning our city bus system, Mountain Line Transit. In exchange for more frequent buses, the addition of new routes, and the switch to hybrid buses, Flagstaff voters are being asked to increase sales taxes approximately 12 cents per hundred dollars spent. This is a paltry amount for such a beneficial service, but it got me to thinking.

Folks who can afford to buy certain hybrid vehicles are given a federal and, often, state tax credit to offset the high purchase cost. (Unfortunately, for the most commonly purchased hybrids, the credit has been phased out.) A tax credit is a nice perk for those trying to reduce their carbon footprint. Herein lies the irony. Public transportation is undoubtedly the best way for Americans to reduce carbon emissions. The purchase of a Ford Escape Hybrid will earn the buyer approximately an 11% tax credit on his federal taxes while bus service will cost each tax payer (in Flagstaff) a 12% increase in sales tax plus the cost of actually riding the bus. Shouldn't we be offering some kind of tax credit to those who ride the bus? Wouldn't it be a nice incentive for those who cannot afford the price of a new hybrid? The only conclusion I can possibly jump to after spending no time researching the topic is that the powers that be don't REALLY want to reduce the number of cars on the road. We have to keep the legacy of Henry Ford alive I guess.

Hold on to your rants

Note that I will be gone for two weeks for field work. Look for a build-up of rants starting again at the end of April. In the meantime, please enjoy this elevator music......

Getting What You Pay For

Recently, I looked into getting a custom-made, ergonomic office chair. At my current job, I sit in front of a computer for 9 hours a day. Lately, my lower back and hip area have been making me feel like a 80-year old woman from the Bronx (ah my sciatica!). The problem is that all the office chairs that you buy in big box stores are too large for my 5-foot tall frame. I can choose to either have my feet on the floor or my back against the backrest--but not both at the same time. The custom-made model proved to be out of my league ($1377), but what struck me was one line item in the quote I received. They wanted to charge me an extra $250 to give me "shortened" back and arm supports. So, they have to use less material--therefore I get charged more. Yeah, that sounds fair.

This is not the first time this injustice has come to my attention. In fact, every time I go to buy any article of clothing I think about it. Shoes for example. Shoes come in many sizes--and all are the same price. A friend of mine has a size 14 shoe. His feet are essentially twice as big as my size 6 (4 in men's sizes). If we were to buy unisex shoes, however, we'd be paying exactly the same. Why? I'm not saying we should be biased against big people. The basic fact is that it costs more money for materials to produce something at gigantor scale than at the elfin scale so why shouldn't I pay less?

This is also an issue in the airplane. Actually, the airplane is the one place where I feel I have the advantage over non-petites. I love curling up in the seat and watching the stares of hatred from the bean stalk hitting his knees against the seat across the aisle. But recently, even the airplane has become biased against the wee folk. Now they will make us pay for extra checked luggage. Why? We are too heavy to continue to defy gravity even with jet propulsion. Not that I usually have a lot of luggage, but I feel this is unfair. I think every passenger should have to get on a scale with all of their luggage. If the combined weight of the passenger and luggage is above a certain number--then we have to pay extra. My guess is that I could bring along a grand piano before tipping the scales. That would be fair--and shouldn't be too embarrassing. You could always blame it on the luggage. In my mind I'm picturing the golden egg scale in Willy Wonka. If you're too heavy, a trap door would open and send you down the shoot--no that won't do. I think there should be a box that you have to fit into as well--like the box they have to show you how big your carry-on can be. "If you and your luggage cannot fit in this box, you are too big for this airplane." Yogis would certainly have an advantage there.

I want to ride my...

I was attacked by a woman in a giant SUV today. She was upset about something I'd done on my bike and chose to scream at me over her little girl that was sitting in the passenger seat. I wanted to say so many things to this woman, but, in respect for the child, I chose to say, "I'm sorry." I thought it was a nice thing to say, but it seemed to infuriate her. She shouted, "If you're going to ride your bike, you should learn how to ride it!"

This upset me on so many levels. Every day, as I ride to work, I deal with drivers who choose to ignore my presence. They encroach on the bike lane, honk at me if I'm forced to ride in the real lane due to narrow roads and no bike lane, turn right without signaling, and countless other offenses. I was guilty of not coming to a complete stop at a red light when I was going to turn right. On the face of it, I was wrong; but in lieu of what I am up against every day I think it was a minor offense. I understand that many people get their kicks by shouting at other drivers and "flipping the bird" at every error whether intentional or not. I personally choose to believe that most of these little mishaps are just mistakes in judgement or lapses in attention. Yes, they sometimes cause accidents, but if you're wary enough to see it, you should just be glad that you were and cut a little slack. That's just me. I know others who choose road rage and think my method is weak. I couldn't help but feel sorry for that little girl. If this woman screamed at me like that--even after I apologized, what must her life be like? I felt like shouting back, "if you're going to have a child, you should learn to control your anger!"

The main thing that bothered me though was her attitude that me riding a bicycle was somehow encroaching on her rights to drive a gigantic, gas-guzzling SUV. Huh? How about, "If you're going to drive an SUV, you should have a good reason."

Am I getting special "privilege" to reduce carbon emissions and fuel use by those who choose to ignore the problem of non-renewable resources and climate change? Well I just want to say, thank you to all the folks that choose to have a carbon footprint larger than the Grand Canyon. Thank you for letting me breath in your exhaust as I take up less than my allotted 3 feet of space against the curb. Thanks for the air pollution and the noise pollution. Mostly, thank you for allowing me and my bicycle to risk life and limb navigating through a world full of motorized machines that could grind me into the pavement while the driver talks to her lawyer on her cell phone. Thank you.

Ironic Bumper Stickers

I have to wonder whether the driver's of these cars have a sense of humor, are altering the meaning of the message, or are just ignorant of their own irony

"5% Of The World's People Consume A Third Of Its Resources & Make Nearly Half The Waste. That 5% Is Us" was seen on a Chevy Suburban in Flagstaff--were they bragging?

"Born in the USA" on the back of a Toyota Tacoma--technically these days probably true--but certainly not conceived in the USA.

Paying for Love

No, this blog is not about Eliot Spitzer or any of the other tens of thousands of men and women who have participated in prostitution (Kinsey estimated 70% of all men had participated at some point in their lives). This is about paying for love in a different way--pets. Yesterday I was browsing craigslist while my computer was processing an image, (I had to say that in case my boss reads this--really, it was processing). I came across this link

"PETITION: Ask Obama to adopt rather than buy dog. NOT politicall
Obama has made it public that he has promised his daughters a dog. He would set such a great
example if he adopted from a shelter or foster care. Please sign and pass on. Animals desperately need homes.

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/tell-obama-to-adopt-when-he-gets-his-daughters-a-dog"

In the first place, let me just say that I think it is ridiculous to pay for a purebred dog (even though a few members of my immediate family have done so--I still think its stupid). I have two adopted dogs and they are head and shoulders better than any purebred I've ever met (no, I'm not biased at all!). On the other hand, I was captivated when Barney the Beagle won Best in Show at Westminster--he was pretty cute. But for the most part, I find purebreds to be dull.

I also feel that if someone is running for office--especially the executive office of the United States--that they are inviting a scrutiny of their personal lives. Much the same as I don't feel sorry for Brittany Spears who begged for attention for so long and now is feeling the adverse effects, I don't feel sorry for those running for or in political office when some aspects of their lives are exposed. I don't personally care much about it, and it does make me mad that the media makes a circus about it; but in this day and age, I do feel that people should come to expect it. However, this seems to be going a bit far. There are many ways in which candidates could make good examples: the cars they drive (we've already heard about that one), whether they shop at locally-owned businesses or multi-million dollar corporations, whether they wear clothes that were made in sweatshops, if they take public transportation when available, what kind of floor coverings are in their house?, do they have extra insulation for an energy efficient home?, what percent of their income is donated to charity every year (I'm sure we know that one as well), when its yellow...do they let it mellow? Wait..I'm going to start a petition that says "Tell Hilary to Let it Mellow when Its Yellow and Save our Water Resources"--will you sign it?

My brother got to be the spiritual leader of my country, and all I got is this lowsy t-shirt

In the news recently is word of unrest in Tibet. The Chinese government accuses the Dalai Lama of encouraging this unrest, but his holiness denies involvement. Whenever I think of the Dalai Lama I think of the town in which I attended university, Bloomington, IN. What does Bloomington, IN have to do with Tibet? Well, the Dalai Lama's big brother lives there. That's right, you thought you lived under the shadow of your siblings? This guy owns a couple of restaurants in a small mid-western town (The Norbu Cafe and The Snow Lion--not sure if they are both still there) where he is also a professor. Frequently, Bloomington would host the Dalai Lama along with chanting Tibetan Monks. Bloomington is home to Indiana University, so although it is situated in the heart of a pretty red-neck part of Indiana, very close to where the KKK got its start, its actually a pretty liberal and interesting town. Nevertheless I do have to wonder why it was chosen as home for the brother of his holiness.

As far as I can tell, when a current Dalai Lama passes away, the new Dalai Lama is chosen based on similar characteristics. I picture it like Cinderella. A bunch of monks show up at the door with a picture of the departed Dalai Lama and hold it up to all the males in the house. I don't mean any offense by this but--what's that all about? Bald head--check, looks good in a saffron robe--check, brown eyes--check--I mean the kid was 2 years old! This Dalai Lama's real name is Tenzin Gyatso (Gyatso is just the Tibetan word for Dalai or Ocean) and his birth name is Llhamo Döndrub. He was two years old when he was chosen. His older brother was picked as the reincarnation of another pretty important Lama--but not THE DALAI LAMA. Poor guy. I don't know how much older he is--I think its significant like 15 years. Truth be told, he was probably extremely happy and honored that his brother was chosen--it seems like its always that way in other countries. I can't help but wonder though if he ever looks in the mirror and says, "that little punk, what does he have that I don't have?"

I used to hate it when I was a kid (I'm the youngest of 5) and my teachers would remember all of my siblings and where they sat in class. I would constantly get compared to them. Can you imagine Norbu's issue when he'd be having a discussion with some other lamas at the age of 25 or something and he would make some statement or suggestion, and the rest of them would say, "Yeah, that's a good point; but what do you think your brother would say?" You know, the 10 year old that's leading our country?

I know I shouldn't make fun--and really I'm not. I respect their religion--I just don't understand it--but I do wonder about sibling rivalry.

Expensive Taste

To say you have "expensive taste" means less and less these days. Recently two studies have come out showing that price is the best predictor of whether something is desirable or "effective". Showing once again, that you don't get what you pay for, but you only believe you are getting what you've paid for (uggh that's a horrible dangling participle--you get that for which you have paid is much better).

The first involved a hyper placebo-effect. Some researchers at MIT made up a codeine-like drug called Veladone (or something similar). They even made pens and brochures about the drug. So they asked subjects to take the drug and then they subjected them to electric shocks. If they told the patients the pills cost $2.50/pill, they subjects reported that they felt less pain than without the drug 85% of the time. If they told them that the pills cost $0.20/pill, the subjects reported that the drugs were effective only 61% of the time. (I might be slightly off on the numbers here--I heard it on NPR http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=87938032). The researchers hypothesized that drug companies exploit this effect by upping the prices on drugs.

The second story involved the price of wine. This was a Cal-tech study that offered test subjects the opportunity to taste wine and then performed MRIs of their brains to detect which wine activated their "pleasure sensors" more. (I don't know about you, but I think I would rather be a test subject that got to taste wine, than one that was given electrical shocks--but that's just me). The results showed that even if the subjects were given the exact same wine, but were told it was different and had a different price--their brains would find the more expensive wine more pleasant. Full text article here--http://w4.stern.nyu.edu/emplibrary/jobmarket_paper_plassmann_final.pdf. I wonder about the demographics of the test subjects. Did they test people that shopped at Trader Joes? I'm pretty sure that I would find the less expensive wine more pleasant because I would know that I could afford to buy more.

So what does this all mean? That we're stupid? That we're being cheated out of our money by marketers? or that we can now giggle at "wine snobs" who tell us that you can't possibly get good wine at trader joes?

Geraldine Ferraro and Me

Just when I was complaining that nobody had been talking about Geraldine Ferraro--here she comes! At first I was kind of embarrassed that she had made a somewhat racist remark about Obama's campaign after I had talked about her being a hero of mine. But the more I read about what was said and what's been said since, the more I like her. Geraldine Ferraro is as unrefined a politician as they come--which is probably why she never made it. I was reading a New York Times article (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/13/us/politics/13ferraro.html?ref=us) about her this evening and it hit me that Geraldine Ferraro is the politician that I would be--and why I would never make it as a politician. She gets heated and says what's on her mind--sometimes its offensive--but you can tell she's got passion. It's too bad we don't like our politicians to be passionate. In some ways, I understand--but in others--isn't it kind of refreshing to see that they are human? Like the "Howard Dean Scream"--what was so wrong about that anyway? Don't get me wrong, I'm not defending being politically incorrect--or what she said, but I have to admit, she's pretty darn gutsy.

Civil Rights

So now I'm feeling nostalgic about my friends.

I have a friend, D, who is a truly awesome person. We were roommates in Albuquerque and to this day I think he's one of the most incredible people I know. When I met him I assumed he was approximately my age--I later found out he was over 10 years my senior. You wouldn't know it by looking at him. He rides his bike to work almost everyday--no matter how far. He's in great shape for an "old guy". He served in the navy like his father and is very close to his family. D was always involved with Big Brother's/Big Sisters and got paired with the most unfortunate of families. D would go to teacher conferences with his Little Brother's teachers because the kids mother was unable or unwilling. He gave the most precious gift to a friend who wanted a child, but not a husband; and now he is also a father. D is one of those perfect hosts--attending to your every needs. He is very thoughtful and very smart. A few years ago he met the love of his life and the two of them lead a picture-perfect life traveling the world and taking care of one another. The only problem is that D is gay.

This is not a problem for D--he would gladly tell you straight off the bat. I use his initials only because I didn't ask if I could write this. The problem is with the rest of us. D and his partner are in a monogamous relationship. They bought a house together, they share bank accounts, they share a love that is becoming rare among two people no matter what the sexual preference. But if D's partner were to find himself in the hospital, D would have no rights to see him or to decide what to do in case of a permanent coma or other horrible occurrence. The other problem is that D's partner is not a U.S. citizen. He came here from India to get his Master's and Ph.D in engineering. He is a very smart person and was soon recruited by a local company. He has applied for a green card--but unfortunately the backlog in immigration means that it will be at least 7 more years before he gets it. He cannot be promoted in his job without his green card, but he also cannot switch to another company--doing so would start the green card process over again. In order to justify hiring a foreigner, the company has to show that this guy is unique and has to pay him better. But the truth of the matter is that they told D's partner that they would tell the government they were paying him more, but he wouldn't actually get more pay. He is stuck like a well-paid indentured servant.

Now they are thinking of leaving this country. Going to a place where the laws on civil unions and immigration are more agreeable. On the one hand I hope they find somewhere where they can be happy, on the other I am heartbroken. D has served his country, has volunteered, has made many charitable donations, and his been a great "American". In return, America has made him a second class citizen and denied him the right to fulfill his dreams. I find this extraordinarily sad. If only half the heterosexual couples I've met had as much love for one another as these two, we wouldn't have nearly the amount of domestic violence, single parenthood, and screwed up kids. It really sickens and confuses me.

Tribute to my friend Seamus

Early this week I learned of the passing of a dear friend of mine, Seamus Breslin. The news came as a shock to me partly because it drew attention to the fact that I haven't spoken to him since about 2002 and partly because his strength of mind and body was the stuff of legends.

I met Seamus through my work with a non-profit in Albuquerque called Hawks Aloft. I was working as an environmental educator with the organization and Seamus came to us as a volunteer. The story of Seamus arriving in Albuquerque is as follows. He was living in Ireland and met an American who was visiting the country. He and this American woman got along well and some time later he heard she was pregnant. Seamus had been both a commercial fisherman and a merchant marine. His life had been full of adventure as well as tragedy. A tragic accident on a BP oil tanker had left him paralyzed from the waist down. An anchor had crushed his torso and broken his leg just above his ankle (bones were snapped completely). His family was convinced that Seamus would not live to leave the hospital. For whatever reason and with some hidden strength, Seamus left the hospital and taught himself to walk again. One benefit of this accident was that BP paid him disability for the rest of his life allowing him to pursue his interests untethered by financial woes. Seamus made a vow to come to America to raise his daughter until she was 16 at which time he would return to Ireland--the country he loved dearly.

While in Albuquerque he volunteered as a field biologist for a number of different people and organizations. Seamus had an unbelievable amount of knowledge of wildlife and ecology--all self-taught. He would take on any task asked of him. When he first arrived in New Mexico, he didn't have a car--nor did he want one. Seamus found a bike at a thrift store and rode it everywhere--sometimes with his daughter in the baby seat behind him. He once rode from Albuquerque to Chaco Canyon (a distance of about 140 miles one way) in the summer (through some pretty grueling desert terrain I might add). He rode up to a Hawk Watch site at the top of the Manzano Mountains on a trail that is difficult for some to hike--he was unstoppable!

Once while we were doing Flammulated Owl suveys in the Zuni Mountains, Seamus took off from base camp to the owl site with a marine boat battery in each hand, told us he'd meet us up there, and marched off making it to the site long before any of us carrying much lighter loads ever arrived. He had the strength of a mule--and sometimes the personality. Seamus could be exasperating and infuriating even while being the most helpful volunteer. He loved to tease, and I have many memories of catching his slow sheepish grin out the corner of my eye as he was having me on. He revealed his personality to us in that same slow, deliberate way--very quiet and reserved at first, but becoming more outspoken as time went on.

Seamus was finally taken by pancreatitus at the age of 46. It seems such a young age, but I think Seamus experienced more in those 46 years than some do in 92. My friend Hannah reminded me of the words Seamus used for her when she was leaving New Mexico to return to New Zealand after spending the summer with us. He said, "I shan't miss you, Hannah; but I'll think of you often." Missing implies regret--and I'm quite sure Seamus had very few regrets. I use those same words to him--so long, Seamus, I'll think of you often.

Get over it!

I am REALLY tired of journalists criticizing Nader for running again. Finally, I lost it when the High Country News blog posted this letter to Nader
http://blog.hcn.org/goat/2008/02/26/dear-ralph/

You can read my comment on the blog--or I have pasted the text here

Dear Marty,
I am sorry that your decision in 2000 troubles you because you obviously made it without firmly understanding or firmly believing in your actions. It is clear that you did not listen or comprehend the message of Ralph Nader's candidacy, but only got caught up in the frenzy of your peers--much like you seem to be caught up in the current rhetoric of the Democratic Party. Your letter to Nader evokes for me the image of a scorned college student who is embarrassed "the morning after" passion got the best of them. Hindsight, as they say, is 20/20.

Al Gore had the benefit of hindsight when he created "An Inconvenient Truth". I wonder if his hindsight included the fact that the Clinton administration refused to outline a timetable to reduce U.S. carbon emissions while Gore was in the Whitehouse. I wonder if his decision to hold his tongue while promised public land use reforms fell by the wayside keeps him awake at night just as your 2000 presidential vote.

Meanwhile, it certainly wasn't hindsight that impelled Ralph Nader to take on the automobile industry to fight for tougher safety standards, and drive the creation of the National Traffic and Motor Vehicle Safety Act. It wasn't hindsight that made Nader question the use of DDT on Princeton campus only to be told that Princeton had some of the world's best biologists and if they didn't feel that it was DDT killing the birds, then who was Ralph Nader to question them. It wasn't hindsight that caused Nader to question mortgage lending practices back during the 2000 election--no, not hindsight. Nader has an incredible ability to identify a problem before the rest of the country even recognizes it. His major downfall is that once that problem is identified, he won't rest until he has made progress toward fixing it. Nader's message in 2000 was that the American people were being sold to the highest bidder by corrupt politicians nestled deep in the pockets of big business. His message was that the two party system is leaving us with effectively no choice. His message was that we shouldn't feel that we "owe" our vote to anyone, but rather, that they should earn it. That was his message in 1996, 2000, 2004, and now in 2008. He is running for president because he believes in what he says. He is not swayed by whiners who can't make a decision without the media telling them how to make it. He is not swayed by lawsuits by the Democratic Party. One only needs to look at Nader's record to recognize that he isn't easily swayed.

I only wish journalists like you had the same courage of your convictions.

If you do not want to Vote for Nader, by all means, do not. It is exactly that right for which he is fighting.

I Stand Corrected

Ok after arguing most of the day with a friend about my Obama "attacks" I began to think about my feelings. I stand by my position that there is little difference between the two candidates and another debate is not going to change my mind. I will also continue to ask the question, "What Change?" If by change, he means not another Bush or Clinton--ok fine. The main point we were "discussing" today was about my privilege comment. I think of politicians as coming from privilege--maybe because many of them come from a dynasty and maybe because it seems like so many of them graduated from Harvard or Yale (I am a cynic and assume that equates to privilege). So I decided to investigate further the upbringing of the candidates. Its hard to find unbiased biographies --but I decided to look to one of my favorite sources--Wikipedia (there are times when Wiki failed me and I had to google to fill in some gaps).

Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton. Born in Illinois to Hugh Ellsworth Rodham and Dorothy Emma Howell. Hugh Rodham operated a small but successful business in the textile industry. His father was an immigrant factory worker. Hillary was in the National Honor's Society and was a merit scholarship finalist. She went to Wellesley College where she did all kinds of stuff including switching from Republican to Democrat and fighting for equal rights for African Americans and became the first student in the College history to deliver the commencement address (at the request of her fellow students). She then went to Yale Law School--met Bill, blah blah blah. Ok this isn't exactly the model of privilege--I would give them upper middle class--to upper class status and she definitely worked hard.

Barack Hussein Obama Jr. Born in Honolulu Hawaii to Barack Hussein Obama Sr. and Ann Dunham who were both attending college at the University of Hawaii. Sr. was a Kenyan son of a goat herder who had been fortunate enough to be selected by Kennedy to "achieve their goals" in the U.S. They separated when Jr was 2 and later divorced. Barack Sr. went on to Harvard to get his Ph.D, moved back to Kenya, and later died in a car accident. Ann remarried Lolo Soetero (another student) and they moved to Indonesia (Lolo's home country). At 10, Barack Jr moved back to Hawaii to live with his maternal grandparents and attended a private prep school Punahou. The following is a quote from the UK Independent Newspaper

"Yet not everything about Obama's formative years here – particularly as one of only a few black students at Punahou, a cradle of academic privilege that led him to a financial scholarship – were glorious. ..."We've been told not to talk to reporters," volunteers John Cheever, himself an old boy of Punahou and now a sociology teacher there. "He wasn't that much of a distinguished student but everyone will tell you he was a good guy, very popular, someone who was always comfortable with the other kids. ... the murk is more likely to be about drugs, including marijuana and cocaine, and slipping grades"

So I took that to meaning he got the scholarship to attend school there based on race --(which is fine with me)--but I may have assumed too much--maybe it was merit--and then his grades slipped.

Anyway, he did 2 years at Occidental College and then transferred to Columbia. He then became a community organizer for a few years and then went to Harvard Law. He became the first Black editor of the Harvard Law Review and graduated magna cum laude.

Ok, not privileged. But I wouldn't exactly call it Blue Collar either. He definitely improved with time and made the most out of his later education.

John Sidney McCain III was born in the Panama Canal to John S. "Jack" McCain II and Roberta Wright. John the II was a naval officer--a four-star admiral. His life was that of a navy brat--moving place to place. He finally settled for a while in Virginia and attended a prestigious Episcopal High School where he lettered in wrestling--most interestingly earning the nicknames "punk" and "McNasty". He then entered the Naval Academy and had a less than stellar career there and graduated 6th from the bottom of his class. He then was a navy airman for a while--and as we all know--a POW in Vietnam. He then attended the National War College--and by that time he was older than the other two when I stopped talking about them--so I'll stop here. I must say--he was a cutie in his younger years! Once again, not privilege in the conventional sense--although having a father as a four-star admiral I'm sure didn't hurt his naval career. Probably the least hard working of all the youth so far.

Ralph Nader was born in Winsted Connecticut to Nathra and Rose Nader (her maiden name not given) who were both Lebanese immigrants. Nathra was employed by a textile mill and owned a restaurant. Not much was said about Nader's young childhood. He went to Princeton University(graduate magna cum laude) and Harvard Law School--graduating with distinction. He served in the U.S. Army for 6 months in 1959 and then became a lawyer. Did he get scholarships? Who knows. Again, doesn't seem like a life of extreme privilege--although not sleeping in cardboard boxes either.

Ronald Ernest Paul was born in Green Tree Pennsylvania to Margaret Paul and Howard Casper Paul. Howard co-owed Green Tree Dairy with his brothers. Young Ron shared a bedroom with his 3 brothers. He was good at track and field and graduated Dormont High School with honors and was student council president. He went to Gettysburg College (after declining an athletic scholarship to a major university--due to an injury) and paid for the first year with newspaper-route savings--then received an academic scholarship. He went to Medical School at Duke University and was drafted into the U.S. Air Force. His wiki entry definitely stresses lack of privilege more than the others --slept in a 1-bedroom house with his brothers, etc etc.

Michael Dale Huckabee was born in Hope Arkansas to Mae Elder and Dorsey Wiles Huckabee. His father was a fireman and mechanic and his mother was a clerk. He was an early radio announcer (age 14) and was elected Governor of Arkansas of Boys State and president of his high school class. He graduated magna cum laude from Ouachita Baptist University (completing a bachelor's degree in religious studies in 2 1/2 years) before attending Baptist theological seminary (dropping out after 1 year).

So there you have it folks, I was wrong about all the candidates. None of them was exactly born with the George W. Bush silver spoon. None of them came from political backgrounds--although Nader talks about how his parents discussed politics at the dinner table. From where did I get this idea of privilege. Maybe it was all that time John Edwards spent talking about his own blue-collar background. In fact, many of these life stories sound fairly similar to my own--up until ambition needed to kick in to go to Harvard or Yale. Perhaps that's where the cynicism comes in--jealousy--it could have been me. Actually, they all have done some impressive things--although I might hate to admit it.

The future of elections

I just spent an hour listening to the Diane Rehm show. The topic: the difference between the economic proposals of the two Democratic candidates as seen by experts in the field. The answer: there is very little difference between the two. What a shock. I am so tired of this election. The other week I had a conversation with a very good, politically-minded friend (I will leave out his name to protect his reputation) who is an Obama supporter. My stance was that it didn't matter if Clinton or Obama won--because they were essentially the same candidate in different clothes. He strongly disagreed--but when I asked him to give me an example of how their policies differed, he couldn't come up with a single one, but instead resorted to Hillary bashing. Don't get me wrong, I'm no Hillary fan, but I'm not in love with Obama either. To me he's just another politician who grew up in a privileged family with a good education. All this talk of "change" sounds a lot like selling out to me. He says he's going to reach across the aisle--but look at his policy proposals. Which one is reaching across the aisle?? Repealing the Bush tax cut? Amending NAFTA?, Strengthing unions?, Increasing worker leave?, Increasing fuel efficiency standards?, Mandatory reduction of carbon emissions?, Universal healthcare?, Leaving Iraq?, Ending production of Nuclear weapons? Which one of those is reaching across the aisle?? Translation: this is what I say I'm going to do so that you vote for me. In actuality, I'm going to compromise and take a much weaker stance on these issues --and then I can turn around and say that I said I would reach across the aisle --and that's what I'm doing. I'm not picking on Obama--they all do that and they all will do that.

What really pisses me off is that American people are really brainless. Oh, he says he's for change and he's young--so he must be for change--but they never look at what he's actually saying. They let the media tell them who to vote for. Even the academics. If you're young and educated--you should vote for Obama. And another fricken debate!!???? Give me a break. What is that going to accomplish? Think of how many millions of dollars are being spent on useless ads and debates and in the end we're not going to know who will make a better president. Debates are just fashion shows--I'm surprised they don't have a catwalk.

I think debates should be structured like reality TV. I'm sure I'm not the first to say this--but why not have a multi-level competition to really weed out the unworthy. We want a president to be smart, right? Lets have the first round be Jeopardy. I don't know about you, but I want someone who can think on their feet--lets do a Survivor or Amazing Race comp. next. Put them all out there by themselves and let them figure out how to survive. Let's not let them have any advisors--well 1 advisor (because I want to see how well they can choose advisors). After they've figured out how to find food and build a boat to get them off the island--we'll send in disgruntled natives and see how diplomatic they are. See how composed they are when they are being tied to a stake over a fire! (Advantage: McCain). My prediction is that Hillary would be killed just to get rid of her annoying voice (and so Bill, her chosen advisor no doubt, could make off with the cute native girls), Obama would be imprisoned for life saying ,"Hey guys, guys, this isn't fair. Come on guys. Guys. while the natives gave him noogies and wedgies", McCain, would try to Jedi-mind trick the natives into thinking that he and his advisor (Senator Lieberman) actually had the upper-hand in the situation and they weren't going to leave until they had achieved what they came for, Ron Paul would get executed for racist remarks, and Ralph Nader would have escaped by convincing the lower echelon people that they should demand better working conditions--but after escaping he would decide that his work had just begun and he would never return to the U.S. So who would win? The Huckster? No, he would be too busy trying to baptize the natives.

Well if anyone did get off the island, we can end with American Gladiators. Hey, I would like for a president to be in good shape. How can I expect someone to take care of my country if they don't take care of themselves?

Then we would see which one is the best person for the job. Who cares whether you've been in the senate or been married to a president, I want to see if you can think on your feet.

The Kindness of Strangers

If I told you that I met up with a couple --two people I hadn't previously known-- and we got along so well that I invited them over for dinner, what would you say? "Well that sounds nice." Ok, let's say they were traveling and I not only invited them over for dinner, but I asked them to stay at my house? Same reaction? I'm going to guess that I probably would have lost some people there--"stayed at your house, are you crazy?!" Other folks would probably say, "Wow, that's cool."

So what really happened was this. I met this couple online. I didn't even meet them in person first, but I invited them to stay at my house while they were in town. Ok, give me the lecture--let me have it. Tell me about the hundreds of things that could have gone wrong and how I have to be careful. Tell me that it worked out this time, but next time it might not. It doesn't help. I know all of these things. The truth of the matter is I joined an online group called The CouchSurfing Project. I heard about it on NPR one day and found myself signing up within the hour. It is an international "organization" with over 200 countries represented. You don't have to pay to join, and you don't even have to agree to offer your couch. Over 360,000 "matches" (i.e. someone found a place to sleep for the night--not matches as in romantic matches--that's not allowed) have been made and so far they have only 1 reported criminal activity. So already after less than a week as a member, we've hosted a couple from Australia, will host a couple from Germany this week, and will have a gentleman from Belgium next week. Hopefully all of these people will be as charming and fun as the first couple. I am trusting my instincts that people involved with this project are basically good. If I'm right, I get to have positive experiences with people from all over the world and make connections that may lead to a free place to sleep in Berlin or Sydney some day. If I'm wrong, I lose faith in human kind and resort to a life of distrust and paranoia--its a big risk. So why do I want to take the chance? Wouldn't it be better if I just imagined that people were good, but never tested the hypothesis? Wouldn't it be better to play it safe?

I wear a helmet when I ride my bike to work and when I am rock climbing in areas that may have loose rock. I wear my seatbelt (usually) in the car. I am actually pretty cautious most of the time. But what's the point when it comes to other people? I don't subscribe to any religion (ok, maybe Raelianism when I feel like it), and I don't believe in heaven. The way to immortality in my opinion is not a genetic mutation like I've written about before, but making connections with people. To throw out this spider web of friendship and to see how many people you can catch--its like the old 7 steps to Kevin Bacon game. Think of how many people you've met in your life. Most of the meetings we have are unremarkable. Every once in a while, I'm sure some stranger does something nice for you. Maybe you remember the face, but never knew the name. I've put my trust in strangers so many times. Sometimes I look back and say, "wow, that was stupid, " and sometimes I say, " wow, that was amazing." The point is not necessarily to remember everyone and become instant friends, the point is that the more people are nice to me--the more likely I am to be nice to others. I know it sounds corny, but these may all just be baby steps to making a more pleasant living environment. Think about a world where people always let you in when you were stuck trying to get onto a busy road? Where people stopped to help you when you had a flat? When someone bent down to pick up something you've dropped, and didn't take off and run with it?

One of my favorite stories was when I was traveling alone in Italy. I was 18 and this was a graduation present from my parents. I was supposed to go with a girlfriend, but she backed out 2 weeks before we were set to leave. My first destination was a small town in the Italian Alps. I flew to Milan and was soon informed that my luggage didn't make it across the Atlantic Ocean. The town to which I was traveling was a full day's travel by train and bus from Milan. I gave the agent the phone number for the Inn at which I was staying and made my way to the train station. I couldn't believe the lines! Holy Cow. I didn't speak Italian and tried to make a rough translation using my knowledge of Spanish and my limited knowledge of French. There was a train strike that had just begun--that's why it was so crowded. Only about 30% of the usual trains were running. I wandered around various platforms for a while pointing at the name of my destination town. Finally, a nice woman pointed to a very crowded platform. "hurry" she said. I got my ticket and stood with the rest of the masses. I heard a strange sound coming from behind me at some point--was it?-- yes it was. It was English. I had only been in Italy for 1 day and already the sound of English made me feel more relaxed. I took the train until somebody told me I should get off (after much pointing at my piece of paper). I was then directed toward a bus station. There was some concern and lots of strange looks and broken English from the person behind the counter at the bus station. She handed me two tickets. "Only 1 bus to inn" she said. ?? I got on the first bus and handed the two tickets. The bus driver took one and shoved the other back at me. Ok. After a few hours, he looked at me in the rear view mirror and said something in Italian pointing at the door. I dutifully disembarked. He got off the bus and I thought perhaps he was chasing me off--no, he only wanted to point, make unrecognizable gestures, and finally walk me over to another bus. I must have been a great joke because there was much laughter between he and the new bus driver. He he, I smiled and feigned laughter. By this time it was about 8 p.m. Italy time and I had been traveling a long time. Against all sense of safety, I fell asleep. I awoke to the bus driver shaking me. It was pitch black outside. "your stop, your stop." I guess so-- as it was the last one on the route. I thanked the driver and got off the bus in a small plaza. I had no idea where I was or where I was going. I saw a light on and gravitated toward it. It was a bar. There were two young men at the bar and one older man. I walked in and said, "English?" They shouted a name and a woman came out from the kitchen. She was younger and friendly looking. I told her my situation and showed her the paper. She said something to the two younger men who began to walk in my direction. "They will take you, " she said. At that point I was so tired and lost I didn't care what happened to me. I thought briefly about how I shouldn't trust strangers, nevermind young strange me--but I couldn't help it. I had no other way. The end of the story was uneventful. The two nice young men took me to the Inn, carried my bag in for me, and returned the next day to make sure I was ok. No funny business, no misconduct. I never got their names, but I will probably always remember that story. Its one of many instances of strangers showing me their good sides. One day, maybe this memory will serve to enable me to do something really foolish that I will regret, but for now, it helps me to feel good about offering a couch and perhaps a meal to some weary travlers.