Civil Rights

So now I'm feeling nostalgic about my friends.

I have a friend, D, who is a truly awesome person. We were roommates in Albuquerque and to this day I think he's one of the most incredible people I know. When I met him I assumed he was approximately my age--I later found out he was over 10 years my senior. You wouldn't know it by looking at him. He rides his bike to work almost everyday--no matter how far. He's in great shape for an "old guy". He served in the navy like his father and is very close to his family. D was always involved with Big Brother's/Big Sisters and got paired with the most unfortunate of families. D would go to teacher conferences with his Little Brother's teachers because the kids mother was unable or unwilling. He gave the most precious gift to a friend who wanted a child, but not a husband; and now he is also a father. D is one of those perfect hosts--attending to your every needs. He is very thoughtful and very smart. A few years ago he met the love of his life and the two of them lead a picture-perfect life traveling the world and taking care of one another. The only problem is that D is gay.

This is not a problem for D--he would gladly tell you straight off the bat. I use his initials only because I didn't ask if I could write this. The problem is with the rest of us. D and his partner are in a monogamous relationship. They bought a house together, they share bank accounts, they share a love that is becoming rare among two people no matter what the sexual preference. But if D's partner were to find himself in the hospital, D would have no rights to see him or to decide what to do in case of a permanent coma or other horrible occurrence. The other problem is that D's partner is not a U.S. citizen. He came here from India to get his Master's and Ph.D in engineering. He is a very smart person and was soon recruited by a local company. He has applied for a green card--but unfortunately the backlog in immigration means that it will be at least 7 more years before he gets it. He cannot be promoted in his job without his green card, but he also cannot switch to another company--doing so would start the green card process over again. In order to justify hiring a foreigner, the company has to show that this guy is unique and has to pay him better. But the truth of the matter is that they told D's partner that they would tell the government they were paying him more, but he wouldn't actually get more pay. He is stuck like a well-paid indentured servant.

Now they are thinking of leaving this country. Going to a place where the laws on civil unions and immigration are more agreeable. On the one hand I hope they find somewhere where they can be happy, on the other I am heartbroken. D has served his country, has volunteered, has made many charitable donations, and his been a great "American". In return, America has made him a second class citizen and denied him the right to fulfill his dreams. I find this extraordinarily sad. If only half the heterosexual couples I've met had as much love for one another as these two, we wouldn't have nearly the amount of domestic violence, single parenthood, and screwed up kids. It really sickens and confuses me.